I was born in London, England on October 26 1958,
the youngest of four and much to my parent's surprise,
I was born a dog. This unfortunate turn of events
was soon accepted within my family and was never
again mentioned in the presence of polite company.
I was a rambunctious youth as was natural to my
breed but showed a fine interest in the arts as
I drew pictures incessantly on anything including
the walls and floors of every room of our tiny
house. After some trouble with intolerant neighbors,
my family was convinced to move to Canada and
it was not long before the burgeoning town of
Toronto became our new home.
Unfortunately the drawing continued to become
somewhat atypical and aberrant and it was not
long before it was impressed upon me that such
images might not be suitable for public viewing.
In the summer of 69, there was a valiant attempt
to stop me from doodling infamous contemptible
fascist dictators upside down on my stomach with
a ballpoint pen. I was consoled however by the
encouragement to continue penciling in faces of
flamboyant cowboys such as Gene Autry, Roy Rogers,
The Lone Ranger and Tonto on my toenails but was
expressly forbidden to talk to them at night.
It can be said that there are defining moments
in a dog’s life that can only be described
as pivotal. Mine came when I received a gift of
a flesh toned 12 inch plastic movable human doll
attired in cheaply made military fatigues called
"GI Joseph." I however named him "Stanley
Mulver" and immediately resigned his commission
from the light infantry. My Mother helped in this
by sewing small business suits and leisure wear
out of leftover Christmas fabric embroidered with
holly and snowmen, tinfoil shoes and one tasteful
Safari suit made of tight fitting powder blue
rayon that proudly shone cobalt in the summer
sunlight. It wasn't long before I had begun making
enlarged wigs out of gray plasticine. These wigs
soon became huge pompadours for Stanley and looked
even more grand when I meticulously embedded small
hairs from my daily body and face shavings. This
hirsute practice along with walking upright allowed
me to fit in with other children even though my
father considered it a waste of time. In short,
Stanley had become a visage of the Man I could
never be, of that elusive self one sometimes glimpses
down the tunnel of infinite reflected mirrors.
Although ridiculed by my peers, I proudly wore
Stanley around my neck at all times as if to say
"SEE! This is the man I will be, a good man,
a kind man."
I have worked in many fields over the years, attended
obedience classes and art colleges, jobs designing
horrible buildings in architectural studios, medical
art facilities, digital service bureaus, suspicious
casino computer game companies, eventually working
at computer modeling, digital animation and visual
effects for television and film. Some award nominations
have been attained and I have been driven in long
black liquor filled limousines and walked on hind
legs down red carpets in Pasadena while wearing
strange smelling rented tuxedos.
Things change and summer years come to an end.
My change occurred one night when my Mother visited
me, which was slightly unusual because she had
passed away some months before, a victim to the
cigarette habit she could never quite lick. Facing
a wall and slowly turning I saw the right side
of her face ablaze in light, her hand trying to
cover the light as if she were apologetic for
having it seep through. Words were said about
following rabbits down holes and I was shown galleries
of work which were to be my own. My Mother was
not the first visitation I have had and it seems
she will not be the last.
I live in a brick house with my wonderful wife
Jane and a coyote called Bonnie.
I like eating avocados and I don't really mind
being a dog.
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